Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
