this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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