But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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