I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
