I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
