Can i not drive my cunt home
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
