what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
