call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
