she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
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