so let's talk penis.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
