Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
