im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
