I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
