i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
