She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
