I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
