you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
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oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
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Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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