How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
His hands were made for my vagina.
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I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
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I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes