Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
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I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
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I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.