I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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