I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
