the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
