Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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