god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm getting married
To pizza
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Who died my cat blue again?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
