The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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