Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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