I wish I could teleport
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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