9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
