Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
