the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
farters have to be the big spoon...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
