He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
