I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
