I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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