I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
