I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
