i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
