i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
