I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
