I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
