This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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