dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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