Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
