make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
