Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
