Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
