Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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