You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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