your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
