Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
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it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
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May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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