You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
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So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
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I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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