So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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