pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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