I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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