Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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