i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize