If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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