dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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