so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Randomize
