Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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