Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
