Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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