He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
