3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
