trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
