We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Sober January is a disaster.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
