Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
