i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
