Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
