So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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