Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
