I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
soo... how was my night?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
